How to Blog Successfully in Two Separate Space-time Continuities

This kiwi represents the splitting in half of Pithy Postmodern Title. In time, each half will grow into a whole new kiwi. Probably.

Image © FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Since my last post, I’ve been thinking a lot, not just about the relative merits of search-engine-optimisation, but also about what this very blog is actually for, and how successfully it’s achieving the loose goals I’ve set for it.

It’s become clear to me that I’m trying to do two very different things in a single space, and it’s causing me to trip over my own feet. This is meant to be a blog that engages with the writing and literary community, and at the moment it just isn’t doing that. Not even close.

So, I’ve come to a decision – Pithy Postmodern Title is to be hacked mercilessly in two. This blog, which you will notice has already been renamed Pithy Postmodern Writing, will continue to be updated regularly with writing advice, links, suggestions, resources, intellectual exercises, and the like.

I’ll be making more of an effort to get eyes on the page, through more representative post titles, more concise writing, and tangibly useful information for writers within every post.

All of the the other guff – the amusing rants, nonsensical humour, whimsical poetry, etc – will be spun out into a new blog called Pithy Postmodern Soapbox. This blog will stay true to the principle of giving search-engine-optimisation the finger, and trying to grow an audience organically, simply by being unique.

I’m quite excited about it, because I think there’s real scope for it to forge its own identity and do some really interesting things. Stay tuned.

The new blog can be found at www.pithysoapbox.blogspot.org

It’s looking slightly empty at the moment, but that will soon change. Why not follow them both, for a double-dose of Jamie in your face?

Are you a blog? Have you ever been hacked mercilessly in two? [Insert pointless, unengaging question here]? Comment, e-mail, etc.

I Did It All For Science

 

Image © NASA

As regular readers may have noticed, it’s been a little while since my last post. The reason for this is simple – I have absolutely nothing to write about.

Even now this remains the case, making this post an experimental attempt to be both entertaining and informative, whilst simultaneously saying almost nothing at all. By reading, you are implicitly offering yourself up as a participant in this experiment – please ram the electrodes forcibly into your head when the red light flashes.

Are you sitting comfortably? No? Well of course you’re not – I’ve strapped you down and inserted an unnecessarily bulbous probe into your startled rectum. All in the name of science. In any case, we’ll begin with the informative section.

As you may be aware, NASA’s Kepler telescope project has recently announced the discovery of 54 Earth-like planets, far beyond the reaches of our solar system. This is incredibly exciting, and a great achievement, but it will be some time yet before they are able to establish whether any of these planets support life, let alone sentient species with the power of language.

This means that, of the 55 Earth-like planets now known to science (including Earth, which is about as Earth-like as you can get), the total known to have developed a word for the strange taste of a stainless-steel spoon currently stands at zero. I find this incredibly disappointing.

After all, scientists have finally conceded that noodles and pasties have a taste that is neither sweet, sour, bitter nor salt, and declared that this flavour shall henceforth be known as ‘umami’. I defy you to go to the kitchen, lick your cutlery with every inch of your tongue, and tell me that a word exists which accurately describes the flavour you’re experiencing. Only an advanced, sentient species, with millennia of spoon-licking under their belts, can help us now. NASA’s search continues.

Right, that’s it - I think I’ve provided quite enough value for money for one post. The entertaining bit is cancelled. Please remove the soiled scientific apparatus from your tender orifices, and form an orderly queue for the complimentary lollipops.

Are you an alien from a distant world? Do you lick spoons? What about a fish-slice? No? In that case, I won’t bother suggesting that you leave a comment below. And you certainly won’t be interested in e-mailing pithytitle@live.co.uk

Everybody Shut Up Please

© David Saunders

I’ve begun to doubt the merits of freedom of speech. The concept was developed in an age before social media, which is quickly making a mockery of this hard-won freedom. These days, it’s just too easy for any witless chump to pass the most inane of comments, and for it to be broadcast immediately to the world. If people had to work harder for their voice to be heard, perhaps they’d take more time to question the value of their words.

As an example, here’s what Albert Camus had to say on the broad topic of ‘freedom’.

“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.”

Albert Camus lived in an era when to broadcast anything beyond your immediate vicinity required time, money and effort – only thoughts and words of self-evident value made it into the public domain. You may agree, you may disagree, but Mr Camus has, at the very least, given us something interesting to think about. He has made some contribution to our cultural understanding of a complex metaphysical subject.

In the interests of comparison, here’s a selection of what Twitter users have to say on the same subject.

“I've done all I had to do today. #freedom”

I’m pretty sure that not even my closest friends give two shits about whether I manage to achieve all of my goals today. That’s my business. This person has wasted their opportunity to use the unprecedented power that Twitter provides, by making a statement that need never have left the confines of their own skull.

“EARN UP TO $ 10 per 1000 views #money #earnings #visits #financial #freedom #paidtowrite #sites”

Twitter also provides the unprecedented power to take evocative words like ‘freedom’, stick a hashtag on the front, and twist them into a transparent attempt to scam the easily bewildered. Previously, some horrible little man would have had to actively waste his life knocking on doors and handing out flyers to ensnare people with the manipulative nonsense we now call ‘spam’. This is the toxic fallout that unchecked freedom spills into the twinkly ocean of knowledge.

“#anonymous Declaration - January 15 is the day to stand for #freedom http://t.co/natNjCW via @WhyWeProtest”

This is the biggest mockery of freedom of speech you’re likely to find. Thousands of anonymous keyboard-jockeys are now free to click the ‘retweet’ button, and instantly broadcast their profound support for ‘freedom’, without actually saying or doing anything that might cause them strain, either physically or mentally. These people are truly the kind of mindless, bleating sheep who should automatically forfeit all rights to a retweet button, and maybe buttons in general. I hope their trousers fall down.

It’s probably too late to backtrack on freedom of speech. Humanity as a culture is too convinced of its merits. Maybe we can’t remove people’s right to speak – but maybe, somehow, we can remove their right to be listened to.