Pyramid Scheme

 

‘Space/Time Continuum’ by Lee Coventry

Pyramid apologies if you have stumbled into this post hoping for information on pyramids, perhaps for a school history project. I'm afraid you've been misled. Contrary to all the evidence, this post concerns pyramids in only the most tenuous fashion. Allow me to explain. Pyramid.
 
Pyramid having looked at the stats for my fledgling blog, it seems that my most popular post, by a considerable margin, is something I wrote back in October called Be The Pyramid, an ill-conceived rant about social injustice. After checking out Google AdWords, the reason becomes clear - the word 'pyramid' is an incredibly popular search term, and my rant was inadvertently search-engine-optimised. Pyramid.

Pyramid the post you are currently reading is a shameless attempt to capitalise on this phenomenon, and thus confuse more people into reading my blog. Hence my use of the word 'pyramid' in prominent locations throughout the text. Pyramoo. Whoops, I meant to say Pyramid.

That's not to say I won't be providing genuine value for the unwary surfer caught in my pyramid web. For your amusement and edification, I present The 3 Pyramid Ponderings of Jimble:

Pyramid Pondering The Firste (A poem simply entitled 'Pyramid'.) Pyramid Khufu's body, carried deep, inside his wond'rous pyramid, His servants lay his soul to sleep, in granite tomb, and close the lid.

Pyramid Pondering The Seconde (Fun with grammar.) I recently discovered that ‘Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo’ is a grammatically correct sentence. Don’t believe me? Look at this. By this reasoning, we can be fairly confident that ‘Pyramid pyramid Pyramid pyramid pyramid pyramid Pyramid pyramid’ is also grammatically correct. Probably. Despite the fact that I do not fully understand the reasoning behind the ‘buffalo’ sentence, I feel no need to research this further.

Pyramid Pondering The Thirde (A strange phenomenon.) This pondering exists solely to draw your attention to the fact that, now that you have read the word 'pyramid' so many times, it's starting to sound a little bit odd, isn't it? Py-ra-mid.

Pyramid.

Be the Pyramid

Yesterday I sent a text. It started as a rant. It migrated to my notebook. It became an essay. This is it. Be the pyramid!




Rubbish day, rubbish job, and only one day of freedom in which to pursue my own goals before I have to do it all again. This isn't life, this is servitude. Why isn't someone trying to put a stop to this?! Are the many forever doomed to drudgery for the benefit of the few? Can we not all just make our own fucking dinners?!*

What kind of pathetic excuse for a human being can't even tend to their basic needs - food, shelter and warmth - without scurrying cap-in-hand to supermarkets, estate agents, energy companies and banks? We all toil for them relentlessly in a bid to claw some joy from our lives through the medium of cash, but within moments they've clawed it all back.

Who are 'they'? Shadowy, inhuman figures manipulating every aspect of our lives to serve their own diabolical ends? No. They are us. We are they. All of humanity is to blame for this tragic farce. As an organised collective, all we seem able to do is create horror for ourselves. Any ideology or model that requires humans to interact en-masse seems doomed to failure. Communism, socialism, democracy, capitalism and liberalism have all arguably tried and failed to provide us with the happiness and satisfaction we crave, and we, humans, are the common element.

Yet as individuals, we shine. Just look at the most celebrated of all human achievements; the Mona Lisa, the Sistine Chapel, and Hamlet are all essentially the work of individuals acting alone. Even the biggest and most remarkable of projects, requiring a massive collective effort to complete, can all be attributed to the isolated genius of a single architect; the Domesday Book, Glastonbury Festival, and the Pyramids, for instance.

The Pyramids are a particularly apt example to demonstrate this phenomenon, as the phenomenon itself can be said to reflect a pyramidal structure. The many at the bottom slave away to feed the egos and actualize the fantasies of the few or, commonly, the one, at the top. In the case of certain great individuals like Da Vinci, Michaelangelo and Shakespeare, they represent the pyramid in its entirety. They enslave no-one, and are slaves to no-one. They feed their own egos, and actualize their own fantasies. Imagine the freedom they must feel.

Essentially, if we were to stop allowing ourselves to be part of each others' pyramids, we could stop piling pressure and misery on each other, and start fulfilling our dreams. If everyone could somehow be their own pyramid of one, perhaps we could all be Da Vincis, Michaelangelos and Shakespeares. If we stopped trying to do things together, maybe we could actually achieve something great.

Be the pyramid.

Also, put 'be the pyramid' on a t-shirt.

And wear it.


* This isn't some bizarre euphemism or clever symbolism - I work in a kitchen!